New Year's Resolutions? ...No, Concessions!
January 2003

Ah, January! What an exciting time of the year. The holidays are over. A time to get out of the rush and into the rut. Ah yes, January—a fresh start on a brand new year. You might even take another run at all of those New Year’s resolutions. Remember? The ones that you didn’t keep last year? (Which is probably all of them!)

But what makes you think that this year is going to be any different? Here we are, barely at the end of January, and I can just imagine that as the cold weather is biting our noses, all of your New Year’s resolutions are biting the dust. Be honest. The life span of your average New Year’s resolution can only be measured in nanoseconds. Just admit it. You’ll feel better.

And isn’t that what it’s all about? Feeling better? Isn’t that why you made all of those New Year’s resolutions to begin with? You wanted to live longer, eat healthier, have more energy-- to be smarter, richer, kinder, gentler… (Wait a minute-- That’s something else.)

But if you really want to feel good about yourself, then why set yourself up for failure?! Why make all of those New Year’s resolutions, just to break them again? “History repeats itself!” Learn from it. I did. As the years progress, so should your New Year’s resolutions. Let’s take a look at what I call the “Evolution of the Resolution”.

When you’re young and foolish you don’t know any better. You resolve to get up early, do 100 sit-ups, drink three raw eggs, and jog five miles. As you get older, you become more practical. You resolve to get up, do 50 windmills, drink a health shake, and walk two miles. Eventually reality and age set in, and you may simply resolve to wake up, do a belly-roll as you get out of bed, drink a swig of Geritol, and walk out to the mailbox and back. (Forget the fact that your mailbox is on the porch.)

But then, why even bother with resolutions at all? You ought to emulate me, as I have achieved the final stage of the “Evolution of the Resolution”. At this level, you have to be brutally honest. You’re not going to resolve to do anything. You’re the same old you. “You can’t teach an old dog to lead a horse to… water... ?” (Or something like that!) Anyway, give it up! --So instead of New Year’s resolutions, I make New Year’s Concessions.

Making a New Year’s concession is better than making a New Year’s resolution because it is something that you already do well: Concede! And when you can accomplish something that you actually set out to do—Success! And being successful makes us all feel better about ourselves-- which was the goal to begin with!

To get you started, let me give you some New Year’s concessions that you can keep. New Year’s Concession #1: You are not going to lose weight this year. So…Eat even more! Just think—Every bite of food that you eat is one less morsel that someone else is eating, so you are actually saving them from all of those extra calories. What a sacrifice you’re making! How compassionate of you! Now don’t you feel better about yourself already?

Here’s another: New Year’s Concession #2: Exercise?… Schmexercise! It just makes you all hot and sweaty-- and isn’t there enough global warming? My “globes” stay plenty warm just by my sitting around on them watching television. That’s being environmentally conscious. What good citizens of the world we are!

And here’s one of my favorites. New Year’s Concession #3: You know that you won’t be able to lay off of the soft drinks. So drink more Mountain Dew! The commercials are funny, and you know what they say, “Laughter is the best medicine!” So you’re actually helping alleviate the crisis in our health care system. And what’s more, if you carefully read the ingredients on the label of a Mountain Dew, you’ll find… orange juice! And didn’t your mommy always tell you to drink your orange juice?! Chug-a-lug, baby!

I hope this has all been helpful to you. Everyone knows I try. So good luck this year with your New Year’s …concessions! And for inspiration, just remember the words of that old Beatles song: “You say you want a resolution?… We-ell, you know…We all want to change your head!”

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis