Advice to Graduates
May 22, 2003

Congratulations to all you graduates. No one asked me to speak at any commencement ceremonies, (I can’t imagine why), so I will commence disseminating my coveted wisdom to you right here:

Four score and seven years ago… is a confusing way to say eighty-seven. Why make it so complicated? Why not just come out and say what you mean? Be clear about things. Adopt that popular motto “Eschew Obfuscation”. (Look it up.)

Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your… mom and dad. They have given you their support all of these years. Give something in return.

The buck stops here – but only temporarily. You will soon find that whenever your bucks stop with you, that it’s only for a short layover, on their way to their final destination with your phone company, your electric company, your grocery store, etc.

Phone home. Call your mom. She will be thinking about you, so think of her every now and then, and let her know how you are doing. She loves you even when you are unlovable, (and that is probably more often than you think.)

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. But sometimes that’s enough whenever fear is a healthy respect for dangerous situations. Don’t think that you are invincible. Whatever it is, it can happen to you. I saw a fearless guy on the news a couple of nights ago. He wanted to be in “Jackass: The Movie” so he tried to jump off a five story building into a swimming pool. Unfortunately for him, he only got if half right. Today he has a healthier sense of fear.

Whenever life throws lemons at you, be thankful it was not watermelons. They do a lot more damage and the mess takes longer to clean up. Things could always be worse, and probably will be someday, so deal with it.

Without life’s valleys, there would be no peaks. So use the valleys as opportunities for growth. And when you are on the peak, don’t make too much noise. You could start an avalanche and the whole thing could come tumbling down on you.

As you set out in life to go and “kill the big bear,” remember that there are plenty of little bears out there too. Practice on them first. If you make a mistake, you are more likely to survive. Learn from it and live to hunt another day.

Some people look at the glass and see it as half full, while others see it as half empty. Regardless of either perspective, that is time to start asking the waiter for a refill. Don’t wait until the last minute or you may find yourself thirsty. Sometimes things take longer than you think. Plan ahead. Give yourself a buffer. (Which all reminds me-- learn the Heimlich maneuver and CPR. They could come in handy someday.)

Don’t believe in “love at first sight.” Real love is what’s left after wanting to “shoot on sight” a few times. Relationships that are truly strong should be able to survive a couple of knock-down drag-outs. Don’t marry anyone until after you’ve had a few fights with them. You don’t want your first fight to be after you’re married. If you can say, “We never fight!” then you just don’t know each other well enough yet.

On the other hand, you are not trying to win the welter weight championship either. Most of the time you should get along. It would be better to be two ships passing in the night than two that collide day after day. Be close. (Just not too close, until after you’re married.)

In closing, as you ride your cycle of life, may your pant leg never get caught in the chain. If it does, next time don’t wear bell-bottoms. (We thought those were gone with the 70’s.) Recognize each situation and dress appropriately.

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis