A Word or Two on Words
July 24, 2003

“Touché!” The French government has done it again. In their latest effort to “dis” friends and alienate people, they have banned the use of the term “email” in all government documents because it sounds too American. From now on they will use the word “courriel”.

Quoting the French culture ministry, “Evocative, with a very French sound, the word 'courriel' is broadly used in the press and competes advantageously with the borrowed 'mail' in English.” Someone needs to inform the French culture ministry that the word “mail” is actually derived from the Old French “male”, meaning “wallet” or “bag.” The French “culture” ministry must have been cultured in a petri dish. (I can think of a few “potty words” that are rather French sounding, but even if I were French, I would not promote their usage.)

Pondering this, another word comes to mind: “idiots”, which is also from the Old French “idiote”, meaning "uneducated or ignorant person" --Not referring to the French ministry in particular, but to anyone who attempts to commandeer the language in order to suit their own political purposes.

It’s not just the French. There are plenty of Americans attempting the same thing-- but rather than creating new words, they want to create new definitions of existing words.

For example, the concept of “marriage” has meant basically the same thing for thousands of years: “The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.” That’s straight out of the dictionary. Today, there are some that want to redefine “marriage” to also denote same-sex couples. To them I say, “Get your own word!”

Setting aside the obvious differences of opinion regarding morality, by definition the term “marriage” simply does not apply to that kind of relationship. If one desires to pursue legal rights for homosexual couples, then argue the case from its own merits, but don’t steal merit from something else by watering down our language.

Two can play that game. I wish there were more people (besides my mother and my wife) who considered me “handsome”, (and I would have to double-check with my wife on that.) So I am hereby appending the definition of the word “handsome” to also mean “tall skinny guy who wears glasses.” So let it be written, so let it be done. From this day forward, everyone must now consider me “handsome.” I thank you.

And while I’m at it, I really like the word “credenza.” I like saying it and I like hearing it. “CREDENZA!” Doesn’t that just send chills down your spine?

But I don’t have many opportunities to use this word. Its definition is too narrow. So let me propose some new uses for the word “credenza” in order to maximize its use, thus enriching all of our lives.

The next time you’re at a restaurant, ask the waiter for a Credenza Sandwich. Next time you take a trip, tell your friends that you’re flying to Credenza for a few days. Let their imagination do the rest. And whenever you suffer from a bad fall, inform the doctor that you busted your credenza.

To all of that, you would probably invoke another word: “Malarkey!” meaning “pretentious language that means nothing.” If that’s not a French word, it ought to be.

The point is, regardless of your nationality, or your sexuality, or your morality, or even your rationality, or whatever “-ality” that you want to consider-- people and ideas are different. Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it is difficult. But you won’t change anything by simply changing word definitions.

We use different words with different definitions to communicate different concepts. Amalgamating word definitions will simply force people to use additional words to qualify the old ones. Don’t we have enough words already? Don’t be a Language Nazi.

Well-- I’m all out of words for now. But remember the word of the week: “CREDENZA!”

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis