Happy Halloween!
October 30, 2003

I hope you are stocked up on candy, because the big night is this Friday. For some kids, Halloween is even better than Christmas, because they get to do all sorts of things that they normally are not allowed to do. Stay out after dark. Eat a lot of candy. Dress however they want, without getting fussed at.

Halloween is fun for parents too. While many of their children masquerade as grown-ups, many of the grown-ups revert to their childhood and wear costumes along with the children.

Also, you can overhear conversations that don’t make sense at any other time of the year, but seem perfectly normal on Halloween night. “Hello, little Johnny. You have a four-inch gash across your face! How nice. And hello there, Suzie. Is that a real hatchet protruding from your head? I wish I had one like that.” (I hope I never have to go to the emergency room on Halloween night. No matter how badly I might be hurt, they would never believe me.)

Of course, when I was a kid, we had a lot more freedom on Halloween than what we allow our children today. Back then, we kids ventured out on our own, whereas today, obviously for safety reasons, the whole process is monitored much more closely. But that’s a good thing, since it gives parents a chance to enjoy the festivities with their kids. I’m not sure how much the kids appreciate it, though.

I remember taking our kids Trick-or-Treating when they were younger. “Slow down! Wait for your sister. Did you say ‘Thank you’? Don’t walk through the flowerbed. Stay together! Don’t pick that up! It’s not a candy bar! (They just have a dog.) Did you say ‘Thank you’? Skip that house. Let’s go down the other side of the street now. You’re dragging your cape. Just take one. Don’t spill your goodie sack. Did you say ‘Thank you’? He’s not getting more than you. You have the same amount. Don’t wipe off your blood. You dropped a piece. If you don’t remember to say ‘Thank you’ then we’re going home right now.” --Yes, I‘m sure the kids really enjoyed that too.

However, there is at least one good thing about having a parent tag along. Inevitably, at some point during the evening, someone is going to trip and candy will explode all over someone’s lawn like shrapnel from a grenade. Without a parent on hand to shoo away the neighborhood vultures, the victim would be picked clean within a matter of seconds, like piranhas on a fallen heifer in the Amazon.

And when it comes to Halloween, all kids are like the mailman. “Neither rain, nor hail, nor sleet, nor snow…” shall daunt their mission as they go. I remember a few wet years, and I especially remember one Halloween that was so bitterly cold, that by the time we got home, ALL of the candy was “hard candy”, as it was frozen solid.

Ah yes, back at home. That’s where the real fun starts. Each kid stakes out some real estate on the living room floor and proceeds to dump out their candy. With accuracy admirable of Certified Public Accountants, they sort through their treasure, segregating the various factions of confections.

After the inventory is complete, the stock exchange begins. (Candy stock, that is.) “I’ll give you two of my mini Milk Duds for one of your Butterfingers?” And so it goes. No doubt all of the professional traders on Wall Street honed their negotiating skills as children on Halloween. When Mom sounds the closing bell, it’s time for bed.

All accounts are settled, but now each must secure their stash in order to avoid unnecessary temptations of embezzlement. It does happen occasionally, but crime doesn’t pay. If caught, the offender must pay back double the value of the original pilfer.

As you can see, Halloween can be quite educational, both academically and morally. You could even argue that Halloween helps us to identify the forces of good and evil in our world, through role-playing. So every Halloween, even in inclement weather, make the effort. It is worth it. Our future depends on it. Our destiny demands it. Happy Halloween!

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis