The Big Bedlam Game
November 6, 2003

Did you get a chance to take in the big bedlam game last weekend? Oh, the intense rivalry! The high drama! The hugs from mommy?! Of course I am talking about the city youth soccer game at the local soccer fields last Saturday morning.

The players on the two soccer teams were so young that even if you added all of their ages together you still could not come up with a decent speed limit. From observing the parents you would have thought that it was the World Cup game. But the only cups that were present that day were eight-ounce kiddie cups with spill-proof lids and sippy spouts. Similar to professional sporting events, they do “the wave” at these games too-- only these waves are from the children on the field waving to their mommies and daddies on the sidelines as the soccer ball rolls past their feet.

Many times, rather than watching the game, there is more entertainment value in watching these parents cheer and react to the action (or antics) on the field. If you thought college sports fans were passionate, you haven’t seen passion until you have seen a soccer mom jump three feet out of her lawn chair and yell whenever an opposing player accidentally knocks her “little angel” to the ground.

As a former youth soccer coach myself, I have seen a lot of unusual plays over the years. To give you some idea, here is what it might sound like if a play-by-play announcer were to follow the action:

“Ladies and gentlemen. We want to welcome you here today to this arch rival match-up between the Kickaroos and the Hornets. The Kickaroos, being an all-girl team, are wearing pink, while we have the Hornets in green. And there’s the kick-off. Little Scottie brings it down field for the Hornets and is closing in on the Kickaroos’ goal. But now Jill steals the ball for the Kickaroos, as Scottie stops to inspect a grasshopper.

The Kickaroos may have a good shot at a goal as the Hornet’s goalkeeper is daydreaming and playing in his goal’s net. As Jill dribbles past the lone Hornet defender (who is preoccupied picking dandelions) the coach for the Hornets rushes out to his goalkeeper to help him untangle his foot, which is now caught in the goal’s net above his head, as he hangs upside-down.

A swarm of Hornets surrounds the ball and one of them kicks it out of bounds. The Hornets’ goalkeeper is now free from the net, but all of the other players from both teams are now chasing after the ball as it rolls farther out of bounds. The referee blows his whistle as he also runs out of bounds, chasing the players who are chasing the ball that was kicked out of bounds.

Now both coaches are running away from the field, following the referee, who is chasing the players, who are chasing the ball that was kicked out of bounds. Now the Hornets’ goalkeeper is crying because he is the only one left on the field. As his mommy runs out to hug him, the referee and coaches finally catch up to the other players and corral them back to the soccer field, just in time for the end of the half. The Kickaroos were in fact able to score a goal, but unfortunately for them, it won’t count as it was kicked into the goal of the neighboring field.”

When I first started coaching children, I used to give some rousing and inspirational half-time speeches that would even make Vince Lombardi envious. But just when I thought that I had my team fired up and ready to charge the foe, one of the kids would ask me, “Coach, What are we having for refreshments after the game?”

Nevertheless, we were triumphant in the second half… with a little help. The opposing defender was able to stop our offense, but in the excitement, he accidentally got pointed in the wrong direction and kicked the ball into his own goal. He was as excited as we were, as he didn’t know the difference. Ignorance is bliss.

In spite of fatigue, after the final whistle blows both teams show a sudden burst of speed as they run through the human arches formed by the parents from both teams. As they dart towards the ice chest for refreshments, I ask them, “Where was all this energy and determination DURING the game?” Perhaps a new strategy would be to start placing refreshments in the opposing team’s goal?

But they were all having fun and I guess that’s all that really matters anyway. What’s the point, if it’s not to have fun? That’s one lesson that we parents can learn from our kids, and at every game make it our GO-OOOOOOOAL!

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis