Thankful Thoughts on Children
December 4, 2003

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving holiday. By now everyone should have emerged from their caves, waking up from their tryptophan-induced hibernation. Spending time with extended family and friends reminded me of all the things for which I am thankful. Not the least of which are my children—more specifically their age.

As can be expected, whenever you have a big family get-together, there are going to be children present. Ages can range from the brand new baby that everyone is eager to see for the first time, to the teenagers who have grown and changed so much over the past year that they are hard to recognize. There are advantages and disadvantages at every stage of child development. This Thanksgiving, I was thankful for the advantages of having older children.

At our recent family gatherings, whenever I heard a young child screaming in the other room, I was thankful that I could readily discern that it was NOT one of mine. In the old days, I would have jumped out of my seat and run to the scene, simply responding to the audio stimulus like Pavlov’s dog. Nowadays, my ears still perk up and my head tilts as an involuntary reflex action, but I am slowly reconditioning myself to relax. I have paid my dues over the years. Now it is someone else’s turn. And for this, I am truly thankful.

Just like the old RCA logo depicting Nipper, the dog who recognized “his master’s voice”, parents instinctively recognize the sound of their children’s cries. As their wailing resounds though the house like a siren, the parental emergency response units spring into action. From every corner of the house, mothers and fathers stumble through piles of shoes, hurdle over coffee tables and dodge bystanders in their rush to the commotion. Even if they know it is not their own child crying, they are compelled to respond just to make sure that their kid is not the one who caused the trouble.

Young children have no sense of degree when it comes to severity. With them, every distress signal is a three-alarm blaze. It is up to the parents to assess the situation at the scene. As in real life, many times it turns out to be a false alarm. But unlike real life, where once it is determined to only be a false alarm and the sirens are turned off, many parents are unwilling to simply shut off the noise. Instead, the child’s alarm must be coaxed or bribed to be quiet and calm down. The longer this goes on, the more the situation heats up for everyone else in the room as nerves become frayed.

You’ve probably witnessed similar incidents at the grocery store or the discount store. You’ll see a child screaming at the top of their lungs with the mother standing nearby, showing absolutely no reaction. Or worse, she may offer some lip service, but the child continues screeching with no follow-through from the mother. (If that were my child, I would apply my own form of “follow-through.”)

I realize that in many homes the words “shut up” are likened to cursing. But I would submit to you that NOT saying these words to your children at the appropriate moments is JUST AS OFFENSIVE to others around you. Obviously I’m not advocating that you use those exact words— There are many ways to get the message across. But please, however you choose to say it, just SAY IT!

I can’t think of a reason NOT to. At best, I can only think that some parents might think they are harming their child’s self-esteem by restraining them; and at worst it is just being lazy and inconsiderate to let your child ruin the environment for everyone else around them.

Regarding the former, by definition self-esteem must exude from something WITHIN each child. If you instill within them something worthy of esteem, they will have self-esteem. How good do you think they will feel about themselves if nobody likes them because they are so obnoxious and hard to be around? Teaching them some SELF-CONTROL is the first step in imparting self-esteem. Now there is something to be thankful for! (And when they are older, they will thank you.)

Raising children is like raising crops. If you want the good stuff to flourish, you have to cut out the weeds. It’s not always a pleasant process, but the end result is superior and well worth it.

I’m sorry. Someone must have slipped this soapbox in front of me, and I inadvertently stepped up on it. I’m off now. Just remember, not only on Thanksgiving day but every day-- It is better to EAT turkey rather than to BE a turkey!

© Copyright 2003 Glen Davis